Returning to work after maternity leave is a profound journey of transformation. It’s a time of rediscovery, where you may find that you’re not exactly the same person you were before you went on leave – and that’s a beautiful thing.
Working Mumma Podcast
LATELY, I have been catching myself staring at the clock, trying to make sense of the days that have somehow slipped by.
My maternity leave is coming to an end, and while part of me is ready to return to work, another part isn’t quite sure how to let go of this strange, wonderful blur of time – where days melted into nights, and the calendar felt almost irrelevant.
For the past 98 days, I have lived in a world where Monday looked a lot like Saturday, and the only thing that truly mattered was whether my baby had a good feed, a long nap or a new reason to smile.
I will miss that disorienting comfort – waking up and having to pause for a moment just to remember what day it is.
Because in that confusion was a rare kind of peace, one that revolved solely around nurturing and love.
Motherhood has a way of distorting time.
Some nights felt endless, with the soft hum of the breast pump filling the silence while I tried to stay awake.
Other days disappeared in what felt like minutes, leaving me wondering where the hours went.
I used to measure productivity in words written or stories published – now, it’s in ounces of milk pumped, diapers changed, or how long it took to soothe a cry.
And yet, I am grateful that I was given 98 days of maternity leave.
Not too long ago, mothers in Malaysia only had 60 days before returning to work.
Sixty days feels like a blink, especially when you are still healing, still learning and still trying to understand the tiny human you brought into the world.
The extension to 98 days was a quiet blessing, one that gave me a little more time to breathe, to bond and to just be.
Those additional weeks gave me something I didn’t know I needed – space.
Space to adapt to a new rhythm, to recover physically and emotionally, to figure out what kind of mother I wanted to be.
It’s time that made all the difference because motherhood doesn’t come with a manual – it unfolds through trial and error, through moments of doubt and bursts of joy.
Even with 98 days, it still feels too soon.
How did my baby go from a fragile newborn to a smiling and curious little person in what felt like the span of a heartbeat?
How did I go from being terrified of every little sound he made to recognising his different cries and giggles with confidence?
Each milestone is a reminder of how fast he’s growing – and how fleeting this chapter is.
Now, as I prepare to return to work, anxiety sits somewhere between my gratitude and excitement.
I’m lucky that I have flexible working hours.
It’s a privilege not many new mothers have and I don’t take it for granted.
It means I get to ease into this transition, to still be present for the little moments while finding my rhythm again professionally.
But even with flexibility, it’s something new to navigate.
How do I balance attending meetings or functions with feeding schedules?
How do I write with the same focus I once had, when part of my mind is wondering if my baby is sleeping well?
How do I switch from being “Mama” to being “Sarah the journalist”, when both roles now feel inseparable?
There’s a quiet guilt that lingers too – the kind that creeps in when I think about leaving him for the first time, even just for a few hours.
It’s strange how your heart can feel so full yet ache at the same time.
I remind myself that this, too, is part of motherhood – learning to let go, just a little, so we both can grow. It’s a bittersweet feeling – closing the chapter of maternity leave.
It wasn’t always easy; there were long nights, tears and moments of self-doubt.
But it was also filled with the kind of love that changes you forever.
The kind that makes you softer yet stronger, more vulnerable yet more certain of what truly matters.
As I step back into work mode, I know things will be different.
My priorities have shifted.
My heart feels fuller but also heavier, knowing that every hour spent away is time I’ll never get back.
Yet, I remind myself – I’m not leaving motherhood behind; I’m just learning how to carry it with me into every part of my life. Maybe I will still lose track of days once in a while.
Maybe I will still feel disoriented – but in a new way this time, as I find balance between deadlines and lullabies.
And maybe that’s okay.
Because this season of change, like motherhood itself, isn’t meant to be perfect – just honest, heartfelt, and real.
I may not know exactly how to juggle it all yet, but I know this: I have made it through sleepless nights, tears and uncertainty.
The views expressed here are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of Sarawak Tribune. The writer can be reached at sarahhafizahchandra@gmail.com.
