“Play is the highest form of research.“
– Albert Einstein, theoretical physicist
BORN in 1983, I grew up with gaming – Atari ST, Sega Mega Drive, Super Nintendo, PlayStation. The 90s weren’t just about playing; they were about connection. We chased every Dragon Ball Z game. We traded cheat codes on paper. We lived for the GameShark cartridge that changed everything.
What was once called “wasting time” is now a career. My brother-in-law made RM5,000-RM6,000 monthly streaming games back in 2015. Gaming is legitimate now.
But this isn’t about money. It’s about what happens when two people pick up the controllers and face each other. The real treasure is in the bonding.
Friday Night, 11 PM
A father sits on the couch, controller in hand, his 18-year-old son beside him. On screen: Tekken 8. Two fighters circling. They’re not talking much – just buttons clicking, grunts of frustration, sharp breaths when combos land.
The father throws a punch.
The son blocks. Counters. Perfect combo.
Dad’s health drops to zero.
“Again,” the father says, hitting rematch.
Five rounds later, the son’s won them all. But the father’s learning – watching, adapting. Round six – he takes one.
The son leans back. “Okay, you’re getting scary.”
The father grins. “One more. I’m figuring out your Kazuya.”
Past midnight. Neither wants to stop.
What We’re Told vs. What’s Real
We’re told gaming is isolation. That screens kill connection. Fighting games are the worst – they’re “violent”, “aggressive”, teaching kids to hurt people. But what if that’s wrong?
Look at male loneliness today. Studies show 50 per cent of men have three or fewer close friends. 15 per cent have none. We’re more connected than ever but profoundly alone.
Men are taught that showing emotion is weak. Physical competition – wrestling, sparring – is too dangerous now. We’ve removed healthy outlets for testing ourselves.
Then we give them Tekken 8.
Suddenly they’re not just sitting together – they’re testing each other. Learning patterns. Reading timing. The father discovers his son is aggressive, creative. The son discovers his father is patient, strategic.
They’re not talking about it. They’re living it. And when you’re genuinely trying to beat each other? Respect builds.
This isn’t cooperation. This is opposition. And done right, opposition is its own form of love.
The Science
Research from the University of Queensland found that competitive gaming – face-to-face – increases bonding through “agonistic play”. That means competitive but not destructive. Like wolf cubs wrestling. Like martial artists sparring.
Competition isn’t about dominance. It’s about learning who someone is by pushing against them.
Studies show fathers and sons who compete in games have stronger bonds than those who only cooperate. Why? Because competition requires taking each other seriously.
When your son beats you, you can’t dismiss it. When your father adapts, you can’t ignore it. Respect is earned round by round. And losing matters as much as winning.
The Honest Language
When the son lands that perfect combo, he’s showing skill. When the father says, “You’re getting scary”, he’s giving genuine respect. No conditions. Just acknowledgment.
When the father finally wins after seven losses? The son’s impressed nod is real. He’s not letting dad win. He’s acknowledging dad earned it.
Every match is conversation without words. Every loss teaches humility. Every win validates skill.
And hitting rematch says: “I respect you enough to go again.”
What Tekken Teaches
Playing Tekken 8 teaches more than reflexes: You learn to control anger and frustration under pressure. To lose without excuses. To win without arrogance.
You learn to read patterns, adapt strategies, think ahead. You learn resilience. You will lose. Often. Brutally. The game forces you to accept it, learn from it, try again.
You learn that someone can compete against you at full intensity and still respect you. That competition doesn’t require cruelty.
These aren’t just gaming skills. They’re life skills.
Stress Release
Fighting games release stress through controlled aggression. Dr Jane McGonigal – an American game designer, author, and researcher known for her work in designing games that aim to improve real lives and solve real-world problems – found that gaming creates “eustress”, positive stress with clear rules and achievable goals.
When you land a perfect combo or clutch a round, your brain releases dopamine. Not destructive – cathartic. You’re not suppressing aggression. You’re channelling it.
In a world where men are told never to compete too hard, never show anger, fighting games are one of the few spaces where controlled intensity is celebrated.
You go full power for three rounds. When it ends? You fist-bump. Laugh. Say “good games” and mean it.
Ancient Wisdom
This isn’t new. Greek wrestling. Japanese martial arts. Indigenous combat traditions. Across cultures, competitive play has always been essential for young men to learn boundaries, test courage, build respect.
The Stoics knew humans need play to function. Not constant work – sustainable capacity.
The Daoist concept of flow is what gamers experience when fully immersed. Controller becomes thought. This isn’t distraction. It’s presence.
Fighting games are the digital heir to ancient traditions.
The Double Standard
- A man playing Tekken with his son for two hours? “Promoting violence.”
- A man watching UFC for two hours? “Just sports.”
- A teen practising combos? “Obsessive.”
- A teen grinding math homework? “Discipline.”
We accept passive violence consumption but condemn active, skillful competition. Why? We’re so afraid of conflict we’ve eliminated healthy outlets.
But when father and son compete in Tekken, their stress drops, respect deepens, and their relationship gains texture no casual conversation could create.
What This Isn’t
Not all gaming builds connection. Screaming at strangers online? Venting, not bonding. Rage-quitting? Unregulated emotion. Playing someone far below your skill? Domination, not respect.
The distinction: Competitive gaming with mutual respect, where both try hard and accept outcomes – that’s bonding. Toxic grinding or one-sided matches – that’s escape.
The Power of Playful Conflict
Tonight, not someday.
If you want to connect with someone – your child, sibling, friend – don’t start with words. Start with a challenge.
The challenge is set. The screen glows. Who are you brave enough to fight?
Ultimately, the competitive arena – whether it’s Tekken 8 on a PS5 or Dragon Ball Z on a retro console (like this affordable option: https://share.temu.com/V45UctHV5GA) – is just the stage.
The true game is played between the controllers, where fierce honesty meets deep connection. Take the controller, engage with authentic intensity, and let the playful conflict forge a bond stronger than any words. Let the connection begin.
The views expressed here are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of Sarawak Tribune. The writer can be reached at sufiansarawak@gmail.com.
