THAT night at the town hall, as Premier Datuk Patinggi Tan Sri Abang Johari Tun Openg spoke about women rising on merit across Sarawak, I found myself listening with two very different ears – one as a journalist, and the other as a mother.
As a journalist, I heard the facts: women engineers leading major infrastructure briefings; women holding senior administrative posts; women stepping into spaces once firmly closed to them.
The message was confident and affirmative – that in Sarawak, advancement is based on capability and performance, not gender; that women rise because they deserve it.
But as a mother, sitting in that hall at the Hikmah Exchange Event and Convention Centre, I felt something deeper stir inside me – a quiet, complicated mix of pride, gratitude, exhaustion and doubt.
Because while women are indeed rising, many of us are also carrying more than what is visible.
Today, I am a full-time working mother.
I am someone who manages a team of reporters, files stories, chases deadlines, attends events and asks questions – and also someone who plans feeds and meals, counts naps, checks temperatures and worries constantly about whether I am doing enough.
Some days, the balance feels almost graceful.
Other days, it feels like I am barely holding everything together with sheer willpower.
And there are nights when I ask myself a question I never used to ask before becoming a mother: do I really want to climb the corporate ladder?
There are moments when the answer is no.
Not because I lack ambition.
Not because I don’t believe in women’s leadership.
But because right now, my heart is torn between wanting to succeed professionally and wanting to be fully present for my son, Rafael Elyyas.
Between wanting to prove that I can do it all and wanting to simply slow down and breathe.
Motherhood has a way of redefining success.
Before, success looked like promotions, recognition, bylines and being “seen”.
Now, success sometimes looks like getting through the day without missing too much – without missing a smile, a new sound, or a moment that will never come back.
It looks like closing my laptop late at night and checking on a sleeping baby, just to reassure myself that I was there when it mattered.
When the Premier spoke about circumstances differing for women, especially those with family commitments, it resonated deeply. When women become mothers, the terrain changes.
The energy is divided, the clock becomes less forgiving, and the mental load doubles – sometimes triples.
And yet, many women continue to show up quietly, consistently and without applause.
There is an unspoken pressure on modern women to want everything – the career, the leadership role, the title, the family, the balance — and to want them all at the same time.
But what we do not talk about enough is that wanting less, or wanting different, does not make a woman weak.
Sometimes, choosing not to climb higher is not retreat – it is clarity.
I have days when I imagine what it would be like to stay home full-time – to not rush, to not juggle schedules, and to not constantly feel pulled in two directions.
And then I have days when I feel deeply fulfilled by my work – by telling stories, by contributing, by using my voice and my training for something meaningful.
Both truths exist in me, and perhaps they always will.
I continue working not because I feel obligated to prove anything, but because I want Rafael to grow up seeing that women can contribute meaningfully to society, that mothers can have purpose beyond a single role, and that effort matters.
I want him to see resilience, but also compassion; drive, but also presence.
At the same time, I want him to know that choosing family is not failure. That stepping back, slowing down, or redefining ambition is not something to be ashamed of.
That success is not measured solely by how high one climbs, but by how aligned one is with one’s values.
Leadership, as the Premier rightly said, is incomplete without women. But leadership also comes in many forms.
Sometimes it is standing at a podium.
Sometimes it is leading a team. And sometimes, it is quietly shaping a life, a home, a future – unseen, uncelebrated, but profoundly impactful.
So when we talk about women rising, let us also talk about women sustaining, women adapting, and women choosing differently at different seasons of their lives.
Let us recognise the courage it takes not just to push forward, but also to pause.
Because merit is not only about performance metrics or titles held. It is also about heart, about responsibility, about showing up at work, at home, and within ourselves as honestly as we can.
And for me, right now, that is what rising truly looks like.
The views expressed here are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of Sarawak Tribune. The writer can be reached at sarahhafizahchandra@gmail. com.
