The writer reflects on her daughter’s transition into primary school, navigating crowded canteens, forming new friendships, and showing quiet courage, while learning that motherhood is as much about growing alongside her children as it is about guiding them forward.
Little Steps, Big Lessons
Each year, the routine of wrapping books laid a tradition done before school reopens for my eldest. But this year, the routine became a longer process, with more wrappings strewn across as there were more books to wrap. My second child, who felt like a small baby with her loud cries yesterday, has finally bid farewell to me from her primary school gate.
While this isn’t my first time as a primary schooler mum, this moment was meaningful, as my daughter graduated onto newer and larger grounds. What’s different between her and my eldest son was the location of the school. With my eldest remaining in the same familiar blocks since kindergarten, my daughter went from a school wrapped in houses to a huge compound school with many blocks.
The process to enter a government school was definitely an easy yet nerve-wracking process. Despite the registration being done over the internet, it was a tough fight for slots into the school of my choice. The school, being a popular Chinese school, has always seen parents hurrying for a spot, or two. Thus, the majority of the parents I talked to had stayed up past midnight on the registration date to ensure a space in the school.
Among those parents were my husband and I, who stayed up late the night of the registration opening in hopes that our daughter would enter this school of our choice. And even then, the “kiasu-ness” (afraid to lose) didn’t seem to stop, as parents (including me) rushed to the school the following week to do a physical registration. A few parents even waited in line since 5.30 am, albeit the registration only began at 8 am.
This made me think of how parents are willing to go to great lengths just to ensure their children receive the best opportunities in life. If Generation X parents believed tuition classes and side activities could help their children, then millennial parents are those, but also equipped with thesis-long research on prospective education possibilities, success rates, career pathways, and networking possibilities. Though not all, I have observed this among my mother-peers. The 21st century, with its fast-paced advancements, requires mothers like these who navigate and steer their children to be the best in a competitive environment.
After the registration process was done, the long wait for approval was nerve-wracking. It was five months of waiting, and when I saw the offer letter, I was ecstatic. The preparation and opportunities I had given my daughter since she was five years old to enter this Chinese school were useful after all.
With the remaining months in kindergarten, we had prepared her to enter the “big school”. Nevertheless, she was naturally independent, and the transition was smooth. Furthermore, several of her former classmates would enter the school together with her, with a few being in her primary class.
A week has passed
On the first day, I was a nervous mum. Since I had ordered her food to be picked up at the canteen instead of her queuing up to buy it, I was curious to see the process. She had never ordered her own food at eateries outside, so I was anxious. I went over to the school during break time to take a peek, hiding behind the walls of the toilets at the canteen.
She struggled to understand where she could pick up her food, and when the slurry of big children came and bombarded the canteen, I could see she tried her best to navigate the blurred lines. The situation showed me her courage and willingness, and it served as a great lesson in life. Swift adaptation and being fast are important in every aspect as we navigate uncharted waters.
I could see from afar that she was giving up and feeling discouraged by the sea of people. As a mother, hiding behind the walls, I was shattered at the thought that my daughter may not be eating that morning because of the obstacles ahead. I remembered calling out to her, and she looked shocked and dismayed. I told her to try again and see how to collect her meal — I held her tiny hands in mine to assist her that day.
Moments of her struggles and challenges swept over me, and I teared up. She was a tiny human in a bigger pond after all, one that is unfamiliar and daunting. She wasn’t scared of the situation, just confused, and it was in those tiny moments that she showed courage and tried again to achieve her goal. We learn and we grow, and it’s in these important lessons that we become the person we are when we are older.
The next day, I reminded her of the steps to collect her food, and she understood. We said our goodbyes, and I went to do an interview for work. Regardless of where I was that morning, I wondered how she would manage on her own. Knowing her, I was confident she could, but as a mother, there are always worries when our children are nowhere near us.
When I picked her up that day, she happily told me that she had managed to eat her food and had more time to play with friends afterwards. She had learned an important lesson in perseverance to achieve her goal — food to fill her tummy at school. The following day, she excitedly told me that she was the first to rush to the canteen, with the bigger kids behind her in the queue. We laughed about it and realised she had learned to embody the idiom — the early bird catches the worm.’
But as a mother, my worries were countless. I knew she could do it, but to what extent, I could never have guessed. I found out she was no longer seated with her former classmates. I asked her if she wanted me to put in a word for her to reunite with her old friends. She said no. She preferred her new Chinese-speaking friends, as they could communicate in Chinese, despite her being only a “quarter bucket water” Chinese. I was touched, and at the same time sad. Where had gone the days when she needed me to hold her while she stumbled as a toddler? The same girl today bid farewell and bravely entered the school gate herself, without looking back.
Within all these milestones that she has hit, there is a mother walking behind her, learning from the experience too. It isn’t just her milestones that teach me life lessons, but also those of my two other children. Their collective life lessons not only touch me, but also teach me to be a better person, not just for them, but for the world. Every day, I learn to be a better person because I want them to grow up as good children. I think this is the greatest blessing of all for me as a mother.
