Wow! Recently, I had the joy of celebrating my uncle’s 80th birthday—a milestone that speaks not just of years but of rich memories and experiences. He resides in the UK, and this time, he came back with his family for a visit. Whenever he returns, his presence becomes a magnet, pulling his siblings and extended family together.
As you can imagine, gatherings become the order of the day, and every night turns into a celebration of shared stories, laughter, and food.
There’s something truly magical about reconnecting with family members you rarely see, including cousins from East Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur, and even farther away from Switzerland, Denmark, and the UK. With such a diverse group, including nearly a two-decade age gap between me and my eldest cousins, different upbringings, and relatives who’ve lived abroad for many years, these grand gatherings are celebrations of not just family but culture, diversity, and connection.
But here’s the catch: as a typical Asian, it is common to feel a little daunted by the sheer size of the group or the prospect of engaging with people across ages, backgrounds, and personalities.
Trust me, I understand. Even as someone who considers herself an extrovert, there are moments when I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, my words seem to get lost in translation—perhaps due to a mix of excitement and anxiety.
Whatever the reason, how do we navigate these moments and truly embrace the beauty of these gatherings?
1. Acknowledge the Intimidation
Feeling intimidated is completely normal, especially in gatherings where the group is large and diverse. Recognizing this feeling is the first step toward overcoming it. Remind yourself that family gatherings are, at their core, safe spaces filled with love and joy—not judgment. The goal is to connect, not to impress.
To begin, start small. Instead of trying to engage with everyone all at once, observe your surroundings and find smaller groups where you feel comfortable. Joining a conversation with just two or three people is far less overwhelming than diving headfirst into a crowd. Plus, these smaller interactions often lead to deeper, more meaningful connections.
2. Use Icebreakers or Ask Simple Questions
When you’re unsure of how to start a conversation, simple icebreaker questions can work wonders. Ask something universal like, “What have you been up to lately?” or “Have you eaten?” These questions are easy and non-intrusive, making them suitable for all ages.
As the dialogue evolves, or if you find yourself lost for words, steer the conversation toward universally engaging topics like food or travel. Everyone has an opinion on food, and travel stories are often rich with anecdotes. For example, asking about the cravings they have from their hometown or their most memorable vacation destination can quickly spark lively discussions.
Which brought me to this — my cousins who live abroad truly miss the mouthwatering delicacies of Malaysia. During their visit, they couldn’t resist indulging in the variety of flavors, and before they knew it, they had happily added a few kilos to their ‘foodie souvenirs.’ Among all the treats, durian stood out as their all-time favorite!
3. Find Common Ground
Finding common ground is the secret to making any interaction effortless. Whether it’s a shared love for food, music, or hobbies, identifying mutual interests creates a natural flow of conversation. Since this is a family gathering, reminiscing about shared memories, traditions, or past events can be particularly effective. Nostalgia has a unique way of bringing people closer together.
You might bring up a funny moment from a past gathering or discuss how family traditions have evolved over the years. These topics are not only engaging but also bridge generational or cultural gaps seamlessly.
4. Embrace Cultural Diversity
In a gathering filled with relatives who come from different countries or have varying upbringings, cultural diversity becomes a key aspect of your interactions. It offers incredible opportunities to expand your perspective and learn.
By asking relatives about their lives abroad, the traditions they’ve embraced, or how their experiences differ from yours, you create moments of genuine connection. These questions not only spark engaging conversations but also show authentic interest in their journey, fostering deeper bonds.
For instance, I vividly recall my cousin sharing his experience of raising his three-year-old toddler in Denmark. He described how the early learning system there prioritizes self-discovery through playing — a stark contrast to the structured approaches in many Asian countries. He also shared the challenges of finding schools or community programs that offered Chinese language education, which was no small feat in Denmark. This conversation not only gave me insight into his life but also highlighted the nuances of blending cultures and adapting to new environments.
5. Take Breaks When Needed
Let’s face it—large gatherings can be overwhelming and high-energy, even for those who thrive in social settings. It’s perfectly acceptable to excuse yourself politely and step into a quieter part of the venue, grab a quick drink, or take a moment to breathe and recharge.
Remember, it’s not about engaging with everyone all the time; it’s about enjoying the moments that matter most.
6. Celebrate the Imperfection
At the end of the day, family gatherings are not about perfect conversations or flawless interactions. They’re about togetherness—the joy of being present and part of something bigger. You don’t need to worry about impressing anyone or making yourself relevant in every conversation.
Instead, embrace the shared joy, laughter, and stories. Whether you’re reminiscing about old memories, creating new ones, or simply observing the chaos with a smile, these are the moments that truly resonate and leave lasting impressions.
