“Our children have never been the reason for our financial worries. They are the reason we keep striving for a better future.”
THE decision to have children is becoming increasingly complicated.
For many young couples today, parenthood comes with concerns over rising living costs, housing loans, childcare, education and financial security.
Some choose to delay starting a family, while others decide to have fewer children than they once imagined.
It is one of the many realities highlighted by World Population Day, which explores how changing economic and social conditions continue to shape family choices around the world.
For Madam M, however, children were never numbers to be carefully calculated.
They were blessings to be embraced. She didn’t begin by talking about money or family planning. Instead, she spoke about faith.
“My husband and I didn’t plan our family around a specific number.
We simply welcomed each child as a blessing from Allah.
“We believe every child comes with their own rizq, and despite the uncertainties, we felt grateful to grow our family.
Looking at our children today, we cannot imagine life any other way,” she said.
More than a number
The 40-year-old government officer, who requested anonymity and is referred to as Madam M to protect her family’s privacy, always hoped to have three children.
But life unfolded differently from what she and her husband had planned.
Like many parents, they experienced immense joy, but also unimaginable heartbreak.
The couple lost their third baby.
The grief was profound, but instead of allowing loss to define their future, they found the courage to try again.
Today, they have three children by their side, while one remains forever in their hearts.
“Those experiences taught us to cherish every child we have rather than focus on numbers.
Our family today is the result of love, faith and accepting Allah’s plans for us,” she said.
Like many middle-income Malaysian families, Madam M and her husband have felt the pressure of rising living costs.
“Sometimes when I go grocery shopping, I can’t help but think, ‘Everything is so expensive these days.’”
From groceries and fuel to diapers and formula milk, even everyday necessities now require careful planning.
Yet despite the financial pressures, she has never questioned the decision to have children.
“There are certainly moments when the financial pressure feels overwhelming,” she admitted.
“But despite all these challenges, I have never questioned our decision to have three children.
“Our children have never been the reason for our financial worries.
They are the reason we keep striving for a better future.”
Sacrifices made with love
Like every parent, Madam M wants each of her children to have the opportunity to flourish.
Their eldest daughter studies at Yayasan International School Kuching, while the couple hopes their second daughter will have the same opportunity next year.
Their youngest son, meanwhile, has mild autism with speech delay and attends private therapy sessions to help him reach his full potential.
He also still requires formula milk and diapers, adding to the family’s monthly commitments.
“The biggest challenge isn’t simply paying the bills. It’s making sure each child receives the support they need according to their individual circumstances.
“Every child is different.
While our daughters’ educational needs continue to grow, our youngest son requires therapy because of his autism and speech delay.
“We never want any of them to feel they have to settle for less because of our financial limitations,” she said without hesitation.
Adding to those responsibilities, Madam M was transferred to another workplace, significantly increasing the distance she travels every day and, with it, her transportation costs.
Managing everything requires careful planning and teamwork.
“We always discuss our finances and make decisions together,” she said.
The sacrifices they have made over the years are countless.
Her husband regularly accepts overtime whenever the opportunity arises because every extra ringgit helps ease the family’s financial commitments.
One of her most memorable sacrifices was becoming an e-hailing driver.
Some people were surprised to see a woman driving for Grab and Maxim.
To her, it was simply another way of providing for her family.
“Honest work is something to be proud of.
Every passenger I picked up represented another small contribution towards my children’s future,” she said.
More recently, she made another difficult decision.
She sold her car.
Lowering the family’s monthly commitments allowed them to reduce debt and redirect more resources towards what mattered most — their children’s education, therapies and daily needs.
“We’ve learned that sacrifice isn’t about giving up happiness.
It’s about choosing what matters most,” she reflected.
The richest moments cost nothing
Despite the financial juggling, Madam M says the most meaningful moments in life cannot be bought.
She and her husband prioritise needs over wants, often postponing purchases for themselves so they can pay school fees, therapy sessions and other opportunities for their children.
Instead of expensive holidays, they treasure simple family moments together.
To them, education and personal development are not expenses.
They are investments.
What matters most, she said, is ensuring their children always feel supported, loved and encouraged to pursue their potential.
The greatest rewards often come in the quietest moments.
“It’s seeing my children laugh together, support one another or simply hearing the house filled with their voices.
“Even on exhausting days, those moments remind me that every challenge is worthwhile.
They complete our family in ways that can’t be measured financially,” she said.
Looking ahead, she hopes her three children will grow into adults who value kindness above status and compassion above wealth.
“I hope they learn kindness, empathy, responsibility and gratitude.
I want them to always look out for one another, especially after their father and I are no longer around.
“I hope they understand that family is a lifelong source of strength and that success means very little if you don’t have compassion and integrity.”
A message beyond money
For young couples who dream of becoming parents but worry about the financial realities of raising children, Madam M does not pretend the journey is easy.
Instead, she encourages them to prepare wisely without waiting for life to become perfect.
“I would encourage young couples to prepare financially as much as they can, but don’t wait for life to become perfect because it rarely is,” she advised.
She encourages couples to build an emergency fund, noting that life’s uncertainties — from medical needs to educational support — can quickly become overwhelming without savings.
She also cautions couples against relying on Buy Now, Pay Later (BNPL) schemes unless absolutely necessary.
“It’s easy to fall into the habit of buying things we don’t really need simply because the payments seem small.
“Over time, those commitments add up and become a burden.
Live within your means.
If you really want something, save for it first instead of relying on debt.”
Her family is far from wealthy, but through discipline, honest communication and teamwork, they have found a way forward. “Children don’t need parents who can buy them everything.
They need parents who provide stability, love and good values,” she emphasised.
If her children were to read this story years from now, Madam M hopes they would understand that every decision she and her husband made was rooted in love.
“My dear children, I hope one day you’ll realise that every sacrifice Papa and I made was to build a better future for all of you.
“I hope you’ll understand why we invested in your education, made sure your brother received the therapies he needed, why Papa worked overtime, why Mama drove for Grab after work, and why there were times we said ‘not now’ instead of ‘yes’.
“Those choices were never about denying you happiness.
They were about protecting our family’s future.”
Then, after a brief pause, she left them with one final message.
“You were never a burden. You were, and always will be, the reason we found the strength to keep going.
“Every sacrifice was made willingly, because loving you has always been worth far more than anything money could ever buy.”
As the world marks World Population Day today, Madam M’s journey reminds us that behind every population statistic are deeply personal choices shaped by hope, loss, faith and financial realities.
In the end, the true measure of parenthood is not found in numbers, but in the love, sacrifices and dreams shared within a family.
