The One Who Always Gives
In many relationships, there is one person who gives more.
They give time.
They give understanding.
They give patience, forgiveness, emotional labour — again and again.
And they tell themselves:
“It’s okay. This is what love means.”
But love that flows in only one direction does not deepen connection.
It quietly drains the giver.
In Love Forensic™, this pattern is known as emotional imbalance — where care becomes currency and sacrifice becomes expectation.
Why Overgivers Are Not Weak
Overgivers are often misjudged as needy or dependent.
In truth, they are usually emotionally strong, empathetic, and highly attuned to others.
They grew up learning that love must be earned — by being helpful, patient, or accommodating.
So they equate worth with usefulness.
Overgiving is not weakness.
It is misdirected emotional loyalty.
The Forensic Evidence of Unequal Love
Emotionally unequal relationships leave clear psychological traces:
- One partner initiates most conversations
- One apologises first, even when not wrong
- One suppresses needs to keep peace
- One feels guilty for asking for basic care
The imbalance isn’t always obvious — but it is deeply felt.
Over time, the giver begins to feel invisible.
The recipient grows comfortable.
And love slowly transforms into duty.
Why Recipient Rarely Change
In unequal relationships, the recipient often doesn’t intend harm.
They simply adapt to the imbalance.
Psychologically, humans adjust quickly to what is consistently given without cost.
Effort decreases when accountability is absent.
The relationship becomes emotionally asymmetrical:
One feels responsible for the relationship’s survival.
The other assumes it will continue regardless.
In Love Forensic™, this is called unconscious entitlement.
The Emotional Toll on the Giver
Over time, overgivers experience:
- Chronic emotional fatigue
- Loss of self-identity
- Quiet resentment masked as kindness
- Anxiety when setting boundaries
- Fear that asking for reciprocity will lead to rejection
This is not love exhaustion — it is emotional depletion.
Eventually, the giver stops giving not because they don’t care, but because they have nothing left.
The Myth That Keeps Overgivers Stuck
One of the most damaging beliefs in love is:
“If I give enough, they will finally appreciate me.”
But love does not grow from debt.
It grows from mutual willingness.
No amount of giving can awaken responsibility in someone who is comfortable receiving.
Restoring Balance: The Forensic Intervention
Here’s how emotional equity is restored — without guilt or drama:
- Stop Over-Explaining Your Needs
Needs are not arguments. State them clearly, once. - Observe Response, Not Promisesa
Change is behavioural, not verbal. - Allow Discomfort
When you stop overgiving, imbalance becomes visible. Let it surface. - Reclaim Emotional Self-Respect
Love should not require self-erasure. - Redefine Love as Shared Responsibility
Mutual care sustains love. One-sided care suffocates it.
A Hard Question to Ask Yourself
If I stopped giving so much, would this relationship still survive?
If the answer frightens you, that fear itself is evidence.
The Difference Between Love and Self-Sacrifice
Love asks for contribution.
Self-sacrifice demands disappearance.
Healthy love allows space for two full people.
Unequal love survives on one person shrinking.
Dr. Ben’s Reflection
Love should expand both people, not exhaust one.
When giving becomes survival, it is no longer love — it is emotional labour without return.
You deserve a relationship where care flows both ways.
🔎 Next Week in Love Forensic™
“Why We Stay Even When We Are Unhappy”
What keeps people in relationships that drain them emotionally?
Next Saturday, we explore fear, attachment, hope, and the psychology of staying too long.
Journey Continues: Awareness → Boundary → Self-Respect
●Dr. Benfadzil Mohd Salleh, Forensic Psychologist & Founder of Benfadzil Academy (Love Forensic™ — Where Science Meets Emotion), Kuching, Sarawak
H/P: 0122350404; Email: drbenfadzil@gmail.com
The views expressed here are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of Sarawak Tribune.
