PHASE VI, Issue No. 9
The Six Life Domains™
There was a time when your hand disappeared inside theirs.
They held you while crossing the road.
They stayed awake when you had a fever.
They worried when you came home late.
And whenever life frightened you, somehow Mum or Dad made everything feel safe again.
Then, almost without noticing … the hands that once held yours begin reaching for you.
Mum walks a little slower.
Dad asks you to repeat something.
The person who once drove you everywhere now asks: “Can you take me there?”
And suddenly, something inside you realises: My parents are growing old.
The Change Happens Quietly
Ageing rarely announces itself.
It arrives in small moments.
A forgotten appointment.
Difficulty climbing stairs.
Medicine appearing beside the breakfast cup.
A parent repeating the same story you have already heard many times.
Sometimes we become impatient.
“Mum, you already told me that.”
“Dad, I’ve explained this before.”
Then one day, when that chair is empty, we may wish desperately to hear that same story just once more.
They Are Losing Things Too
Growing older is not easy.
Parents may slowly lose strength, independence, friends, confidence—and sometimes the ability to do things they once did effortlessly.
Imagine the father who spent his life providing suddenly needing financial help.
Imagine the mother who cared for everyone now needing someone to help her dress or remember her medication.
Behind frustration there may be fear.
Behind stubbornness there may be embarrassment.
Behind: “I can manage myself.”
may actually be: “Please don’t see me as helpless.”
When Children Become Caregivers
Caring for ageing parents can be exhausting.
There may be hospital visits, bills, medications, repeated questions and sleepless nights.
It is normal to become tired.
Love does not make us superhuman.
But while caring for their bodies, remember to protect their dignity.
Don’t speak about them as though they are not in the room.
Don’t make every decision without asking what they want.
They may need assistance.
They still need respect.
Perhaps They Need Less Than We Think
Sometimes ageing parents are not waiting for expensive gifts.
They are waiting for your car to enter the driveway.
For the telephone to ring.
For someone to sit beside them without looking at a screen.
Perhaps what they really want is simply: “Sit here for a while.”
Because when much of life has already passed, presence becomes more valuable than presents.
Dr Ben’s Reflection
If your parents are still here, look at them carefully.
Those wrinkles carry part of your story.
Those ageing hands once prepared your meals, wiped your tears, worked for your future and held you when you could not hold yourself.
You may be busy.
You may have responsibilities.
But don’t keep postponing love until you have more time.
One day, you may have all the time in the world … but they will no longer be there to receive it.
So, make the call.
Take the photograph.
Listen to the repeated story.
Sit a little longer.
And when those hands reach for yours … hold them.
Just as they once held you.
NEXT SATURDAY — ISSUE NO. 10
The Empty Chair — When Someone We Love Is No Longer There
Every family eventually encounters an empty chair.
A voice we can no longer call.
A familiar face missing from the family photograph.
How does a family continue after losing someone who was part of its heart?
And perhaps more importantly…
How do we continue loving someone who is no longer physically with us?
Next Saturday, we conclude the Family Domain with perhaps its most personal story yet—a story about grief, memories, unfinished words and learning that sometimes love does not end when a life does.
● Dr Benfadzil Mohd Salleh, Forensic Psychologist | Founder, Benfadzil Academy. H/P: 0122350404, Email: drbenfadzil@gmail.com
Love Forensic™ — Understanding People • Strengthening Families • Building Communities • Developing Nations
The views expressed here are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of Sarawak Tribune.
