“I love you”… but I don’t know how to say it
One of the saddest realities in many families is this:
Parents love their children deeply.
Children love their parents just as much.
Yet both quietly wonder…
“Why don’t they understand me?”
Love is present.
But communication is missing.
Sometimes the problem is not the lack of love.
It is the lack of the right words.
The language gap between generations
Parents often speak the language of experience.
Children often speak the language of emotion.
Parents say,
“I’m doing this for your own good.”
Children hear,
“You never listen to what I want.”
Children say,
“You don’t understand me.”
Parents hear,
“You don’t appreciate everything I’ve sacrificed.”
Everyone is speaking.
But no one feels understood.
Love can sound different
Every generation expresses love differently.
Some parents show love by:
- working hard
- paying school fees
- preparing meals
- making sacrifices
Many children, however, experience love differently.
They remember:
- conversations
- encouragement
- hugs
- shared laughter
- someone simply sitting beside them
Neither side is wrong.
They are simply speaking different emotional languages.
When advice becomes pressure
Parents naturally want the best for their children.
Sometimes that desire sounds like:
“Study harder.”
“Don’t waste your time.”
“Be better than I was.”
Behind these words is love.
But sometimes children hear only pressure.
The intention is encouragement.
The impact becomes anxiety.
This is what Love Forensic™ calls:
The Difference Between Intention and Impact.
Both matter.
Children grow older… but still need their parents
Many parents believe that once children become adults, they no longer need guidance.
In reality, they still need something even more valuable.
Not constant advice.
But constant acceptance.
Sometimes an adult child simply wants to hear:
“I’m proud of you.”
“How are you really doing?”
“I’m here whenever you need me.”
These few words can heal years of emotional distance.
Parents need understanding too
Children often see parents as strong.
But parents also carry fears.
They worry about:
- your future
- your health
- your finances
- your happiness
Sometimes what sounds like criticism is actually worry wearing a different voice.
Parents are still learning too.
There is no university that teaches people how to become perfect mothers or fathers.
Most parents are doing the best they can with what they know.
Five small conversations that can change a family
You don’t need a dramatic family meeting.
Start small.
Try asking:
Parents
“How have you really been feeling lately?”
Children
“What do you wish I understood about your life?”
Parents
“What is making life difficult for you right now?”
Children
“Can you tell me what life was like when you were my age?”
And perhaps the most powerful question of all…
“How can we understand each other better?”
Simple questions.
Life-changing conversations.
Sometimes listening is the greatest gift
Most people don’t need perfect advice.
They need someone who will listen without interrupting.
Without correcting.
Without judging.
When people feel heard…
they naturally become more willing to listen.
Communication begins where judgment ends.
Love Forensic™ action steps this week
This week, choose just one.
Call your parents simply to ask how they are.
Have one meal together without phones.
Say one sentence that perhaps has not been spoken for a long time:
“Thank you.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“I love you.”
“Mom/Dad, I am sorry for what I did.”
Sometimes one sentence changes a relationship forever.
Dr Ben’s reflection
Families don’t become stronger because everyone agrees.
They become stronger because everyone feels safe enough to speak.
Never assume the people you love already know how much they mean to you.
Tell them.
One day, the opportunity to say those words may no longer be there.
And no success in life can replace a conversation that never happened.
NEXT SATURDAY IN LOVE FORENSIC™
PHASE VI – THE SIX LIFE DOMAINS™ Issue No. 4
The invisible child – when someone feels forgotten inside their own family
Not every child grows up without love.
Some grow up surrounded by love…
yet still feel invisible.
Why do some children become confident while others spend their lives trying to earn approval?
Next Saturday, we explore one of the deepest emotional wounds that quietly follows many people into adulthood – and how families can begin healing it together.
● Dr Benfadzil Mohd Salleh, Forensic Psychologist, Founder, Benfadzil Academy.
H/P: 0122350404, Email: drbenfadzil@gmail.com
Love Forensic™
Part of The Benfadzil Human Development Framework™
Understanding People • Strengthening Families • Building Communities • Developing Nations
The views expressed here are his own and do not necessarily reflect those of Sarawak Tribune.
